thoughts on depressionnot all disabilities are visible...im suspecting im dyslexic, ive suspected it for a long time, but i have something thats just as invisible....depression.
it really annoys me when some people say that depression doesnt exist and its one of these craze illnesses or excuses....it is a real thing.
it isnt just feeling sad either, people who have never felt it have no idea what its like.
true depression is when for no reason at all you go into really down moods, where the only comfort is in the shadows as the sun is just a harsh white light...theres no colour or warmth in the world and all you want to do is curl up in the dark in bed and sleep because the world cant get you there. its not just sadness, its a hollow, aching, bitter emptiness that fills you body and soul....everything feels muted, the feel of the wind, the sounds....when people talk to you its hard to take in what they are saying, and then you are so sensitive that even just the slightest thing can make you feel worse....much worse. Its like drowning in your own head.... fighting a battle with someone who you cannot beat because that person is you...and knows all of your moves. it is possible to get out of it for a while but it always comes back.
its tempting me every day to drop out of uni because all i want to do is sleep so i cant get away from the stress of the world....im fighting it, im making myself do excercises every day so i can lose some weight and get fitter and maybe feel better about myself....because when you are depressed no amount of people saying otherwise will not help when you feel bad about yourself. maybe getting into a routine will help, though its something ive never managed to do.
the general consensus by most of my freinds in real life is that i should probably be on anti-depressants...but i dont want to risk losing my creativity...my darkest times are when i create the best of my work....i just wish i wasnt so unstable with it. its like starting to run but falling flat on my face after a few steps...again and again. I try my best to hide it, to not make people worry about me but sometimes its affecting me so much it is tangible. it helps to have some escapism, to have a place in my head i have some control over....a place i can retreat to away from the stress of it all.
ill never stop fighting...because i know there are people who care about me...rely upon me....but sometimes even that is just so hard to bear. it is a disability for it is debilitating sometimes...and so very misunderstood as well. just because someone looks like they are ok....it doesnt mean that they are. people with depression are people too...not a label
ugh i have an essay to finish by monday...ive no idea what to write yet...just vague ideas...my brain simply does not want to function at the moment
Tired
Devious Comments
you should watch this doccumentary. It's called Making a Killing: The Untold Story of Psychotropic drugging.
"Disorders" such as depression and dyslexia are really just a list of symptoms grouped together and stuck into a book. psychiatrists would have you believe you are sick simply so they can make a profit off of you.
There are definitely times when I want to crawl into a hole and not come out myself, but there is always an explanation. To pick myself up out of slumps I do a bunch of different things. I draw, talk to my parents, study, read or anything to be productive. It really helps much more than anything else when you just decide to do it.
Wow, that was much longer than I intended, but I hope it's helpful to you.
Cheers.
Alea
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"Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
- Pablo Picasso
i have the same crap. my doc told me that depressions are chemical misreactions in the brain. i have some pills against them and they work really good.
depressions are a serious illness and need to be treated by a pro.
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burp! .... sorry.
one of my worst down-times recently was on a night out with freinds when normally i would have been enjoying myself. i have nothing to do with psychiatrists so they get no profit from me but i still struggle nearly every day with it...without being told that im sick by people, i still know something is wrong.
also if you say dyslexia doesnt exist then why are so many people diagnosed with it who can only learn in a specific way....i do know a bit about it as my aunt runs a clinic to help people with it.
most illnesses are defined by a list of symptoms grouped together to be honest
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"Leave them a flower, some grass and a hedgerow
A hill and a valley, a view to the sea
These things are not yours to destroy as you want to
A gift given once for eternity"
I'm very sorry you have to go through this, and that it comes back.
I know it's not pleasant, though I've never been so depressed as you are. I've had those little depressions which only make you not want to go out of your room or something, but this is much, much bigger.
I hope you'll get the essay idea soon
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I wish to accomplish something in the world of photography
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"Leave them a flower, some grass and a hedgerow
A hill and a valley, a view to the sea
These things are not yours to destroy as you want to
A gift given once for eternity"
Maybe you could look into some herbal remedies for depression? Things like St John's Wort is meant to be good, and they don't have all the nasties in there like the chemical anti-depressants (but if you do decide to take prescribed anti-depressants, stop taking anything herbal for depression for the risk of overdose is quite high).
The fact that you recognise that you have a problem is one of the most positive things to do, and I hope things start to get better for you. If you ever want to vent or anything, note me - I'm always up for a rant or vent-festival!
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Thanks for the avvie, @DreamingMyth!
¯\(°_o)/¯
It's good that you have nothing to do with psychiatrists. Keep it that way.
And in truth, there probably is an explanation for a downswing, it just might not be on the surface. I know it happens to me sometimes too when I should be perfectly happy. In those cases I try not to let it bother me, but it is difficult. Nobody ever said it was easy. If simply being productive is not working, have you looked at possible health causes? Vitamin deficiencies can cause some of those things too, especially the energy loss.
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"Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
- Pablo Picasso
The brain likes to make sense of things. Optical illusions work often because the brain works things out for itself - the brain likes to make sense of everything, that's why a jumble of random shapes eventually looks like words. ( eg. [link] ) People with dyslexia have brains that cannot make these connections as well as other people.
And personally, I am bi polar - When I have a manic episode, or an extremely depressive one, I would really love to see somebody tell me I'm just deficient in vitamins, or my disorder doesn't exist.
Also, the perpetrator in every major school shooting, including the Columbine masacre, was on a psychotropic drug. In the case of Columbine, it was Ritalin.
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"Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
- Pablo Picasso
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